Friday, March 31, 2006

The orange ink and middle finger amendment

Later today, the Knox county election commission will vote on how best to respond to a Tennessee Supreme Court ruling that has put the fate of two-thirds of the incumbent county commissioners running for re-election there in legal limbo.
No one appears to have a handle on what action would best preserve the integrity of the election process for county races which are already underway.
The only certainty is that as the election commission debates, lawyers in the room will be using blackberries to communicate strategies on who they will sue next.
The mood right now is tense. When the commission gathers at 4 pm eastern time today you can be certain that blood pressures will be at an all time high.
So here's my advice to election commissioners on how to survive today's shoot out at the Knox-Co corral - someone should crack a joke. Not anything off color mind you. I'm thinking something more in line with the issue at hand.
For example, what if someone on the commission were to offer an off-the-wall amendment for consideration. Like recommending the current election be put off another three weeks in order to have time to secure a million gallons of orange ink. Once secured, the ink would distributed to polling places around the county in time for the next election go around. The amendment would require voters as they vote to dip their finger - let's go with the middle finger to make it even funnier - in the orange ink. On their way out of the polling places, voters would also be encouraged to display their middle fingers to other voters in line, to poll workers and to local TV news cameras while reporters are doing their standup stories about election day turnout.
One can only smile at the thought of local TV news directors worrying over whether or not to blur the middle fingers being displayed out of concern for offending their local viewers.
"Hey junior, come quick. The fellers on TV are flipping us off in big orange!"
I realize this election stuff is serious business. I know that the future of many candidates hang in the balance with today's vote, and that there are all sorts of complex legal issues to resolve. And I totally get that if the right decisions are not made, Knox County may experience what Bill Murray once predicted in the movie Ghostbusters - a situation so desperate you'll even have "cats and dogs living in sin."
But hell, even Lon Cheney, that most sinister and gloomy actor of the early 20th century, did a movie called "Laugh Clown, Laugh."

2 Comments:

Blogger Idava said...

I think that would really "get out the vote". I can imagine the line of people waiting to vote smiling for a change. Oh, do not forget the ride home. The lovely citizens of Knox Co driving down the streets honking and showing their orange finger to other motorist. Well, just the thought and I am ready to chip in on buying the ink!

10:14 AM  
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12:50 PM  

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